Lessons from a father

Note: The following is an article written by my mother after the demise of her father in March, 2020. I edited the article and felt its content will be useful to everybody. I have retained my mother's usage of the first-person. 

The year 2020 has been a mixed bag of emotions for my family. The year dawned with great promise and joy thanks to the marriage celebrations of my sister's son, and then my own son in quick succession. Attended by a host of relations from near and afar, both ceremonies were presided over by my stately father, aged 94 and still going strong.  

My father at my son's wedding in January 2020

Shortly after, on the 6th of February, I was met with the shocking news that my father had fallen in his home, where he preferred to live alone after my mother’s demise a decade ago, and had fractured his thigh bone. That fateful accident triggered a steady decline in his health until he passed away on the 25th of April. I write this post on the 7th of May, shortly after the conclusion of his Subham, the ceremonial thirteenth day funeral rites. Thanks to the raging pandemic sweeping across the globe, the funeral rites were sparsely attended with just the closest family - my siblings, and their significant others. 

A large colored photograph of my father in gilded framing was placed on a table for the rituals. As I stared at the slender, dark-skinned man in the photograph, with his prominent forehead, sharp nose and astute eyes, I was reminded in colored flashes of my childhood, the small and big sacrifices made by my parents to raise their five children into respectable stations in life. I was struck by his ironclad will and peculiar zeal towards his family and was reminded of the incredible life he had lived. 

My father, Sri T. R. Srinivasan was born on the 17th of January, 1926 near Kumbakonam. Hailing from a small village called Tiruvalliyangudi renowned for Kolavilli Ramar temple, a prominent Vaishavite shrine, my father was schooled at Little Flowers Convent in Kumbakonam. Growing up in extreme poverty amongst seven siblings, he was the first person in his family to clear the SSC examination (standard XI by today's metrics). Through a stroke of good fortune, at the age of 18 he entered Central Government service as a Lower Division Clerk in the Office of the Protector of Emigrants and posted to Mandapam camp, a refugee center near the coastal town of Rameswaram. At Mandapam, he quickly learned typewriting and shorthand to become the personal assistant to the Camp superior who was an Indian Civil Services cadre bureaucrat. Through his boss, my father acquired a taste for the exalted administrative services and vowed to raise a bureaucrat in his future family! 

The caption is in my father's hand

On the 15th August 1947, as India celebrated her newfound freedom with crackers and festivities, my father got engaged to my mother Smt. Saroja and acquired in her a most worthy life-partner. Their partnership lasted till 2010 when she pre-deceased him and their long union gave their children a chance to celebrate their 60th, 80th, and golden wedding celebrations. 

My father shares his birth date with Tamil Nadu's former Chief Minister and film superstar Sri. M. G. R. In his own way, my father was the superstar of the lives of his children! Since he was denied a chance at higher education, he was determined to ensure all his children were graduates or higher. He pushed us to strive a little further at every stage of our lives. After college, he encouraged all his daughters to work which led to all of us joining the Banking sector. His son joined the Indian Administrative Services, fulfilling one of my father's oldest dreams. All his children have had long and successful careers, enriching marriages, and today his grand- and great-grandchildren are spread all over the globe. 

In 2018, I retired as a Deputy General Manager at SBI after thirty-eight years of service. Over these years I have been known as an extremely hard-worker, a skilled Banker and a qualified financial adviser. However, most of the golden truths of professional and personal life were instilled in me by my father much before I joined SBI. I share a few of these life-lessons that he passed down to his children through his words and lifestyle. 

• Spend within your means.

Every month my mother and father would sit together and jot down the mandatory expenses for the month. Instead of splurging on notebooks, my mother would carefully tear old calendar sheets into quadrants and use their backsides for accounts keeping. Once expenses had been listed, they would ensure some amount is always reserved for future savings. Whatever is left after that is the only discretionary spending for the whole family. Decades later, despite reaching a much better place financially, I am still driven by this model of money-management: identify expenses, reserve savings, spend whatever is left if needed.

• Increase your income. 

A large family necessitated my parents to find new ways to augment their income. A small portion of our home was rented out to a succession of tenants for several years. Being a shrewd orator and effective writer, my father would write short stories, articles, and poems in local newspapers and magazines for small remunerations. My mother provided tailoring services to neighbors, sold postage stamps, and even reared two cows to sell milk! In such varied and versatile ways, my parents increased the family income and made it possible in later life to send their children to college, marry them well, build a home, etc. 

• Savings vs Liability.

At the young age of thirty, my father had the brilliant forethought and daring to purchase a large plot of land in a swampy neighborhood called West Mambalam in Chennai. With a meager salary and four children already, it was a big risk, albeit a calculated one. He procured a loan from the local bank to buy the land and construct a house. For many years after, paying back the loan EMI was the foremost expense in our home. I still remember accompanying my father every month to pay the monthly EMI. Those trips to a bank at an early age inspired me to become a Banker in later life. This experience taught me that savings alone are not enough. It is also important to cleverly use liabilities in pursuit of grander objectives. Today the plot of land he purchased for Rs. 500 is worth several crores and has provided homes for several generations of his progeny. 

• Live with contentment.

My father was always simple in his lifestyle. In his early years, poverty made any kind of luxury unimaginable and yet, even in his later years when he was financially much better off, he never sought nor cared for luxury. Perhaps the only extravagance I remember of him was applying for a Bajaj scooter and waiting patiently for six years for its allotment. He used it sparingly, mostly preferring his cycle to commute to work. My father cared for the few things he owned and didn't care much for any other material possessions. Over the last decade of his life his austere living became even more minimal as he disposed most of his possessions. His most prized possessions were liberally handed over to his children and grandchildren and he retained only the barest essentials for himself. Despite living in a mostly empty house for the last ten years of his life, I cannot remember him being more content. Truly, contentment is a state of the mind.

• Do your duty.

Despite being from an orthodox Iyengar family, my father was never overtly religious. He rarely discussed religion or faith with others and was wary of such topics. Likewise, he was never inclined towards charity. He was living proof of the idiom 'Work is Worship' and all his children imbibed this ferocious devotion to one's work. Despite beginning at the lowest rung of the ladder, his career took him all over the country (Ahmedabad, Lucknow, Bombay, Madras) and he eventually retired as the Public Relations Officer, a gazetted position, of the Regional Passport Office at Bombay. 

During my own retirement ceremony in 2018, with my father in attendance in the first row, I was honored when my CGM commented on my Herculean work ethic even a few days before my retirement. I remember with great fondness my father's interactions with the CGM after the retirement function where he beamed with pride at his daughter's successful career. Doing one's duty with rigor was considered the foremost dharma in our household and I have strived to uphold that throughout my  career. 

My father at my retirement ceremony in 2018

To summarize, it is known that the Bhagavad Gita extols three ways to transcend our human condition: Karma Yoga (the path of duty), Jnana Yoga (the path of knowledge), and Bhakti Yoga (the path of faith). My father exemplified the life of a Karma Yogi. Through honor, discipline, grit, and visionary thinking he uplifted an entire family into a higher sphere financially, culturally, and socially. While his time on earth has come to an end, his words, memories, and influences will guide his children, grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren for decades to come. 

- Smt. Kousalya Venkataraman