The 'social' one

If there is one thing, the critically and commercially successful movie 'The Social Network' taught us, it would be the increasingly desperate usage of the internet by people for socializing. While its potency of compounding ones web of contacts is unparalleled, its consequences are yet to be fully understood.

Facebook is leading the charge of a social network revolution that, in my opinion, is challenging the current definitions of society, friendships and relationships.

For the naturally gregarious kind, this revolution has provided yet another channel for widening their already burgeoning list of known. For the introverted, shy, awkward guy in your class, facebook is nothing short of a boon. It gives him the opportunity to effectively re-invent himself in the cyber-world. mind you, this is not similar to online life simulations like the second life. While such a transformation affects only the individual, transformations on a social network, affects 'who you are' with regard to your friends, colleagues and loved ones.

This transformation could be self-inflicted with the singular objective of getting accepted into.. say the most happening online group or befriended by the most beautiful girl in school. while it may on paper seem harmless, i believe it a harbinger of critical questions about the integrity of ones identity.

lets say that there is a shy guy in school who wants to catch the eye of a girl in his class. his introvert nature makes any form of direct contact exceedingly difficult. so he goes to his social network site and adds her as a friend. as he is in the same class as the girl, there is a good chance that she will accept. once that occurs, he has at his disposal a ton of information about the girl. what movies does she like, what kind of music is she into, who is her favorite director etc. information that may take years to acquire through direct contact is made available at the click of a button. he may then proceed to absorb it and try to strike conversations online on these topics. music he has never heard of before, may now become his favorite. he may become 'a fan' of whatever or whomsoever she is. in this way, he morphs his identity, his online one.

let say that it worked. one day the girl approaches him and starts talking about the latest album of 'their' favorite band. what does he do? obviously to avoid getting caught he starts to pretend like he is the 'online' him. in an instant, his own favorite music gets banished and gets replaced by stuff that the pretty girl likes. a little bit of his identity is lost.

where does this leave us? in this grand social experiment the next generation will be the guinea pigs. they will be the 'facebook' generation. i bet by the time they are 10, they would have already established their online networks and the 'socially' weaker ones would have already started aping the likes and dislikes of the popular. individuality would be lost and as darwin would say 'survival of the fittest' would reign supreme, even for identities.

One night at the Country club

‘The human mind is a fickle bitch. You don’t need to be a God or a Godman to know this. Yet every time, we come face to face with this ugly nature of ours, we never fail to feign surprise’.

Now let us take a look at the events that unfolded last night at the Country Club which strengthens my case.

There I was, dressed in my finest suit made of the best fabric from Italy, quietly sitting and sipping my everyday dose of scotch. As is the habit of every virile creature of 35, I scout for potential visitors to see my powerpuff girls memorabilia collection that adorns my bedroom. Not a great night. Just as the girl with that big nose, was starting to look more attractive than He deemed her to be, I caught sight of that lump of shockingly read hair that I can never forget!

‘Jefferey!!”, I boom!

The lump of red clay turns slowly and I see that freckled face which I had seen each and every day of my college life!

“Frankie! How you doing buddy?”, Jeffery boomed back, his face lit by his thousand watt smile. We then proceeded to hug and make those vulgar and homophobic, incestual remarks that have replaced the conventional handshake between two male friends.

Once both our families had been sufficiently dishonored and the entire Club knew that Frankie and Jeffery were chuddy buddies, we settled down in the nearest booth to calmly sip our scotch and talk about the good ol’ days!

“So how is life Jeffery? Its been so long… ten years eh?”, I ask.

His frowns and says, “Going on..going on.”.

Now to fully understand my next remark, you need some background information. You see, from the age of ten, I have been a very sensitive person. I love to listen to other people’s woes, mainly because I like other’s dirty secrets. Probably my way of my breaking my parent’s strict rules against doing anything dirty. But thanks to my patient ear, people just loved to tell me about their problems and shamelessly reveal the most revolting of actions. Hence I became the walking, talking monument of my friends’ mistakes. So if you ever want to know why Jimmy’s dog Betsy could never walk properly and refused to eat for weeks after that night of popping pills, well you better come to me. Betsy is long dead and I think Jimmy is allowed only one visitor a week.

In my college days, my interest in listening to people made me very popular among the girls. Unfortunately, I was named a queer one by the football guys for this very trait of mine and I decided to accept that name. There was no way in hell, a straight me could get Head Cheerleader, Shanelle to play water ball with me(that’s basically passing a plastic ball in a pool with Shanelle in a bikini. The last part is the most important rule of the game. Come to think of it, the only one!)

So there I was, sensitive Frankie. Now back to my conversation with my ol’ buddy Jeff.

“Why Jeff? What ’s bothering you? Do you want to talk about it?”

“Well Frankie, you always knew how I had a thing for my third cousin, Linda right?”

Of course I knew Linda! That over-good-looking, over-popular queen of the college who was also the football team’s mascot! (No offense to Timmy the bear, the real mascot) Well, Jeffery loved that girl ever since she blew her nose on his white shirt on aunt Martha’s 29^th birthday, and she regularly broke his heart with her weekly football ‘practices’.

“Of course, I remember Linda. That slut”, I said, my face contorting in rage.

Jeff replied, “Well I married her…”

“She was always the most delightful girl. Remember the time she …”, I shamefully laugh, trying hard to think about one good thing that girl did in her 4 years at college that did not involve a happy ending..

Jeff saves me and adds, “No need to cover man. She had a little trouble with the law and was forced into rehab(I barely manage to control my ‘You deserve it bitch’ snort). Once she came out, Aunt Linda approached me and asked me to marry her, to save the family’s honor.”

My eyes pop out and I slowly exclaim, “Jeff, that’s emotional blackmail!”

“No man, you know how I have always felt about this girl. I thought I could change her, make her into the woman she ought to have become in the first place”, I nodded sympathetically, silently muttering, ‘you dumb ******’.

I add, “So how is she?”

“Frankie, the question is-where is she?”

My eyes pop out for the second time in less than a minute! “WHAT? Has she been kidnapped?!”

“No Frankie, after the wedding she was clean for a few weeks, life seemed perfect. Then she started borrowing 40 dollars once too often and started frequenting this lady called Sugarbody…”

“Wait a sec, ‘Sugarbody’?!” I shout. Mrs.Tettle turns her ugly head at us and disapprovingly shakes her head, like the time she caught me talking about a certain maple syrup ‘maneuver’ to a friend who was about to get married.

“Ya, she was a chemist of some sort. Had a lab in her garage.”

I mutter ‘you dumb ****** ’ for the second time in less than a minute!

“Go on Jeff...”

“Well she then started talking to this neighbor called Strike and a week later she was gone. With all my money, gold, papers and the most precious possession of mine, my lucky number Mississippi Special Lottery; results due tomorrow morning!”

I nod along, trying hard to bring some sympathy to my face which seemed to be have made its mind to field one of disgust.

“So now I am broke, alone and on the verge of contemplating suicide...”

My cheeks flush and I hurriedly add, “Now Jeff, calm down. Don’t talk like that. Everybody gets broke, dumped and suicidal once in a while, the trick is to drink away your problems and begin afresh the next day!”

Jeff chuckles and says, “No chance of that. I have enough only for this one drink…and Frankie, I really want to talk to you. Tell you everything about the way Linda treated me, how I truly ‘felt’ about her…”

Oh boy, that whole sensitive image is coming to bite me in the ass…I rise from the chair, “Sure buddy, we need more scotch first”

“Thanks Frankie, I will run to the loo”

I slowly walk towards the bar, ruing about the hours of misery ahead, but I guess it was my duty as a friend. Just as I was about to order a bottle, I see something I have not seen in years. All these years have not been able to blur that wet image of… waterballs!

“Shanelle!!”

Her head slowly turns in my direction and she drunkenly nods, “Eh? You know me?”

“Of course! I can see you have had too much to drink, why don’t I take you home?”

“NO!! I just broke up with my boyfriend and I need to get back at that cheating bastard!”, she spat out vigorously shaking her chest and reaffirming my waterball connection!

I squirm uneasily and cast a sideways look at the loo door.

I tell myself, “Okay Frankie, you are on the spot.”

‘Shanelle vs Jeffery’

‘Old crush vs old friend’

‘Drunk vs Weepy’

‘Horny vs Suicidal’

‘Waterball vs Linda stories’

‘Ching’ SOLD!

“In that case Shanelle why don’t I take you to my place and show you my Powerpuff girls collection?”, I ask with my ever-so-casual smile.

The time i got 'arrested'

All of us enjoy sitcoms. they have long replaced playing and gaming as the favourite past time for college students. with so many sitcoms being churned out every year, i suppose that we have a never-ending source of entertainment available for us.

some shows are good. some interesting. but once in a while you come across a show which to put it lightly-' charms the fuck out of you', those are the shows which are GREAT! this is about a show i got 'arrested' to.

i got introduced to arrested development, just five days before my semester exams. the very fact that i finished 2 seasons in the next three days, would tell you how much i got hooked onto the show! as my sems were on, i realized that i wanted the exams to end soon, not because i wanted to go home, but because the third season was making my mouth water! i even got scared a few times when i found myself saying out my favourite lines as i was writing my exams!

now why did the show capture my imagination in this way? undoubtedly its a HILARIOUS show. but then there are many shows which make me laugh. i would like to think that the show achieves something which at the first instance strikes one as impossible, it makes all of us relate to a disgraced family of millionaires - rich pampered brats, knee deep in greed and jealousy!there in lies the charm. :) the eccentric nature of each character appeals to very same tendencies in us. everything from incest to corruption, we all know its there somewhere within us, the show just brings it out in the most amazing and hilarious way.

i loved every character. but the one character who blew my mind away was Dr. Tobias Funke. the perennial butt of all jokes, Funke manages to rise above the sea of pity and mirth he induces in the viewer, to actually 'inspire' us. just how many of us secretly harbor a fantasy? one we so rationally deem as crazed and impossible. well funke shows us what it to give voice to that fantasy, even if u dont realize how gay u are!

a tv show should not just entertain you, it must educate you and more importantly enhance you. that's what arrested development achieves in the most magnificent way. its such a pity that it had to be scrapped so early when pitiful attempts such as 90210 and bold and the beautiful have run for so long.

I cant wait for the movie, due in 2011!

Grandparents

People seldom realize the value of friends and loved ones when they are around. it is when they are cruelly snatched away from u, does the feeling of depravity and a sense of voidness sink in. i ignored, ridiculed and even fought with the one person who had absolutely no problems in accepting that i was the best guy in the whole frikking world. she simply took in all my bullshit and still managed to boost my ego a bit more. we all need people like that. lets cherish them when they are around to see that! lets take better care of our grandparents! :)

The realm of the Pauper.

everyone sets out a path for his or her life. what they seek to achieve five, ten or twenty years down the line. what they deem interesting and worthwhile and what they deem uninteresting and yearn to avoid,but few achieve any of that. this is a fact of life. many, end up spending their life oiling the official wheel, carrying notes and making reports for the people who matter. life becomes a constant state of failure and the very item of their interest once becomes a source of hatred. one that reminds of the life that could have been. that is how the soulless, joyless and lifeless 40 year old is born.

at the end of yet another event-less day, as he puts his head down on the pillow, the eyes close but the mind recharges. the tired limbs cry for rest but the soul beams of delight! as he slips into sleep, the mind leaps high in the air and plunges into the sea of the subconscious, into that wondrous realm where the 'could-haves' become the truth. where the clerk becomes the MD, the servant the master. as the mind weaves its intricate lines of deceit, the body sighs in pleasure. the short, the plump and the ugly transform, evolve and emerge tall, strong and handsome. the decaying second hand car transforms into a royal Rolls Royce. the 750 sqft home with a mortgage, into a palace which is so big that it blocks the horizons. everything is new, fresh and for a change, beautiful. the dreamers eyes roll rapidly, unable to contain its delight at all the new and glorious sights!

but the mind is no philanthropist. it craves revenge. for in this realm it is the dreamer who reigns supreme. those who humiliated Him in the outside world shall be punished in this world. the punishments are cruel. gruesome. as the MD's genitals get pierced by a hundred thousand needles and his eyes plucked out by gargoyles, the dreamer smiles and his partner lying beside him, sleepless due to anxiety wonders how kiddish he looks when he sleeps and kisses his forehead.

the journey through sleep continues.. we approach large doors, intricately carved with tulips which seem so real that the guards seem scared to approach them for fear of retribution from the Master. the doors open. we step inside. we are inside His home.

the walls adorned with paintings, their beauty divine. our eyes catch a glimpse of that Lady who's smile knows everything. Only the Master could have conjured such magic.

now the statues by the sides, all of the same person, the Master. Him, in his regal robes, with his sword by the side, the face wearing a grim look, rubies shining in his eyes and his crown, studded with lapis lazuli. Him, in his hunter robes, the tiger dead under his Royal Feet. Him, the family man, with His Son in His arms. Him, the creator of everything wonderful, with the lamp, just one of everything that He has created. Him, the destructor, with the garland of his school peer's heads adorning His elegant neck. the statues end and we approach the Fountain.

the Fountain of Wonders. the place where the Master likes to spend His evenings, in careful contemplation of matters pertaining to the governance of His ever -growing realm. the air is filled with a sweet noise, a song which seems to stir even the swans in the Fountain into a dance. it is said that the Master wrote this 'Swan song' solely for them. we should be careful not to touch the waters with our feet, the Master does not like that. we cross the fountain and reach the Elephant Gate, the doors beyond which sits the Master of all that is real in this unreal realm. He Who's kindness know no bounds and His wrath, no limits. We enter. heads on the ground, sniffing the earth without making a noise. we eventually lift our heads and find ourselves not inside the Elephant Chambers, but facing a ravine. an endless pit which reeks of rotting flesh and our ears are engulfed by the cries of feasting vultures. we smile. the Master has spoken and in this realm, even our thoughts are His. we run towards that bottomless crater. faster and faster and leap into the air, ready to get consumed by a bed of rocks and then by a sea of vultures.. but we land, lightly on a bed of roses. we look around. unable to understand His thoughts. the roses are divine. their smell is so thick that a halo of their smell surrounds everything. the smell is stronger than the wafts of opium He alone enjoys every night. we fall, unconscious, but we rise again only to fall after a few steps. but we never cease to walk forwards. we walk.

aimless, clueless, lost.

after ages, the halo shifts, the smell subsides. the roses grow bigger and bigger till they become trees. filled with roses and apples. it seems so absurd, but it is His vision. as suddenly as it started, we see the horizon.

we have reached the end of the world. it just stops. like a springboard. nothign beyond but abyss. who said the earth was round?

we stare, uncertainly, this is not to be. His realm knows no boundaries. we hesitate but bring ourselves to run again towards the end of the world! faster and faster and we leap. the moment our feet leaps the ground ,we get engulfed by a light. brighter and more radiant than a million glowing suns, yet more tender than a million blooming tulips. we fall into Him faster and faster... finally an audience with Him!

the dreamer startles awake. the beads of perspiration on his head, the only remnant of His world. his alarm screams 7 am. he drudges into the bathroom and wears the disguise for the next 16 hours. a disguise which will shield Him from these unreal people. he drives to work, through the dusty and clogged roads. he enters the MD's office. the MD is ready for him. he looks at his MD's face, contorted with anger and the MD starts with the usual barrage of insults. his eyes fall on the box of needles on the desk and He smiles.

April 16th 2010

Now, its been too long.

A blog that is not updated is like an unfed street dog. its unimportant enough to ignore, yet loud enough to prove irksome.

so here i am, continuing my online journal of the haphazard, the unusual and the useless.

now, where do i begin?

well today was a pretty hectic day, enough classes to keep me in a state of subconsciousness for the better part of the day( double hour microprocessors first up, screamed of danger. a warning i ignored much to my peril).

anyhow.. after surviving that. next up was control systems viva/assignment. after a two hour delay, thanks to the prof socializing with the director, i was finally ushered into his office.

'hello aditya'

'good afternoon sir'

'did you have lunch today'

(baffled)'....? yes sir...'

'good'

( roll name viva(/10)

( 11 aditya venkataraman 10

'?!!!!!!!!!!!'

'*&^%'

:)

talk abt a lucky break?

sadly, life has this rather annoying way of putting u down just when it starts to stink a little less.

my luck was about to end right there.

room. i pack my bags to leave for home.(for my new readers, i live in trichy now...... ya thats right, i am local now......you can stop laughing now :( )

the bus.

that demonic four limbed gargoyle filled with everything nasty and bad.

about that bad bad bus, in the next epidose.

adios for now. may the force be with you and let u catch a break like me >)